Tuesday, June 01, 2010

One month of widowhood...Is that a word?

I can't believe it has been a month. My heart still hurts. I'm lonely yet surrounded by people. I have fun moments but there is still that tragedy looming over me that I can't shake. I get mad when I want to text Sunil about something and he isn't on the other end of the phone to receive it. He was my best friend and I'm missing him huge. I can't say how it will begin to feel the further it gets away from his death. I know now that I miss him so much it hurts. I try to distract myself with things but it is amazing how everything I do circles back to me wanting to share it with Sunil. I guess I should read some books or go see someone to help me "cope" but I don't want other people telling me what to do. I never have. I'm just going to feel sad when I feel sad, cry when I need to. Get angry when I need to get angry. Working out my own emotion in the waves they present themselves to me.

Despite how I feel, I'm finding life goes on for those of us still walking on this earth. I've completed the facelift on my parents basement minus the trim and carpet...

I rode up to Big Lake, Mn with my dad and some peeps to buy roll bars and highway pegs for my bike, as well as saddle bags and a new helmet. Here are pics of my Dad and I finding helmets and my bike with the new additions on it!

I played a game with the fam on Sunday night.

I went swimming and hung out all day outside by Sean's pool yesterday.
My sis and I took Trixie and Lilly to jump in with us, they were such chickens!! I brought them into the pool and they swam to the steps and got out right away. Bunch of babies.

My BFF since practically diapers came over with her two girls and swam. Here is a pic of her youngest Sofia with my sis Dayna.

I should be driving back to New York soon. I should be starting my life again. I should be excited to get back and start auditioning and performing. I should go and start to figure out who I am now. I just can't yet. I don't want to return to the apartment where Sunil isn't going to be. Will I ever be ready for that?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hi mandi, we still read this blog! let us know how you're doing and what you're upto! i just saw on facebook that you're doing an improv show this friday. i'm totally going to make it up there some time this summer and show up at one of your shows. :)